Mushroom Express
The Radio DJ Screams
HAIR CLOTHES CARS
The adman
Sells Sells Sells
The millennium’s door to door
There is no milk in the fridge
And I’ve slept on the floor
So I scratch my head
Towards the local shop
Back bent against the cold
In wake up shock
And while I’m passing the local pub
Bus 28 opens it doors
And invites me onboard
“Welcome! Welcome! Welcome!”
Smiled the pink and white mouth
Of the conductor as he sang
“Welcome on board the Mushroom Express
Come and join our tour of excess”
So pinching meself
To be sure I’m awake
I head towards the back
With a piece of his cake
They’re all there
From secretaries to teachers
All munching on mushroom flan
Large smiles opened eyes
And a policeman
So I take me seat and prepare for the trip
“I’ve seen God”
Said an old lady up in the front
Refusing to sit
“Yeah he’s right here” said her old man
Attempting to unzip
“I want to go to work”
Said the man in the suit
“It’s the first day of our winter sale”
“Shut up”| said the postman
Attacking his mail
“Ladies and gentlemen”
Giggled the local MP
While resting his hand
On the schoolboy’s knee
“What we need is a plan
Now after careful consideration
And study of the present situation
I, I mean we…”
But nobody listened
Nobody cared
The policemen moved onto the vicar’s
lap
And the blonde went upstairs in search of a strap
And the man in front
Well he couldn’t get free
For foreskin hair and dignity
The zip had all three
And I thought I saw a large bumblebee
Pass through an unopened window
And rest on the conductor’s hat
And the driver foot to the floor
As the actress hung out the door
And the man in the long hair and beard said
“This is really nice man
Any chance of another piece of that flan?”
Then through the grapevine I sniff
Some sons of Jah offering spliff
To the divine
No need to ask twice
I make a beeline
“What’s your name?”
Said the blonde as my head turned away
And was locked by the eye
Of a lady from Harare
Absentmindedly taking
A last few tokes
I head for those eyes with a solid attraction
I had no will to disguise
So we kissed and licked
And gently did we kick
For hours on end
Exhalation perspiration
Load moans of infiltration
Our sails through kaleidoscopic worlds
Leaving us laughing and jaded
And fully unfurled
And the priest lent the vicar his head
All in the name of Christian unity he bled
Psalm 72 leg shaking wildly to kick off his shoe
“Fancy a toot ?”
Said the man in the suit
To the nun with a grin
But she just glared at him
Totally in sin
Ripped off her crucifix
Rammed it up his nose
Made off with his charlie to find Sister Rose
Recharged batteries
We plunge and reindulge
Until I’m tapped on the shoulder
By the conductor in drag
“Your stop sir”
“Stop?!” What a fag
“Honey what’s your name?
What’s your number?
Things will never be the same”
She just laid back where we had dined
And said “call me anytime
888 2869”
“And don’t forget your
milk sir
Compliments of the crew”
“Thanks” I said
“Laters” said the dred
“Laters” I said
As I watched them leave
And strolled home with my milk
With consummate ease.
